Another year my child

Hawthorn blossoms
pearled the hedgerows,
as birds rejoiced
lilting the trees
in the promise of new life,
chiming the air
with heartbeat rhythms,
a cotton crisp spring
as baby buds peeped in.

I carried you,
felt you,
but I never got to hold you.

Another year has passed
and I am lost,
lonely in the black cold of winter,
remembering the day
you left me.

We never said goodbye.

My tears
frozen in time.
Echoes of songs
that never were,
of dreams
that can never be,
my nights haunted
until the dawn.

Fog blankets the fields,
the sky expresses my need.
I hear the clouds parting
I speak with the sunrise
of my love for you,
your movement, your sound.
I would speak of anything
if I could bring you back
but there is only thick frost
and winter dwells in my heart

I see the spring,
but know
I will never feel your warmth.

I wonder

In the stillness of the morning
I open my window.
I wonder if it is you
who calls me?
through trembling leaves
lilting birdsong
a cool breeze embrace
gently touching my face.

I scan the sky
clouds drifting to the east.
I search for your face
a sign, a trace.
I watch the sun rise behind dark spruce
shadows streak the fields,
a circle of light glides the sea.

I close my eyes
basking in new born rays.
I wonder could it be your glow?
I hear a faint whisper
rustle beneath the red maple.
I sense your aura
as baby pink rosebuds bloom.

House martins skim the trees
clipping in and out of nests.
Dewdrops drip from their beaks
to nourish their young.
I wonder can they see you?
I watch in silence
in wonder.

Sunday Departures

It ‘s Sunday,
your day of departure
I wake in a panic.

We breakfast
listening to the radio,
silently reading newspapers.
I glance at you,
and that dreaded feeling
slinks in,
my heart sinking
to my stomach.

Time after time we say “goodbye”.
The longer you stay,
the harder the parting.
I will never get used to it,
How I wish there was an easier way.

Tickets, passport, the usual checks,
I smile, masking tears.
My whole being shrinks
my heart aching,
as we drive to the Air coach.
I break the silence apologising
“I don’t feel so well”
because I know it’s hard for you too.

With a kiss and a cuddle
you hold me tight,
fraught with emotions, I tremble.
I shudder you away
saying "we might skype later".
Head down, you enter the bus.
I turn, sobbing my way to the car
waving through a veil of tears.

I bite my lip,
breathe a heavy sigh
swiping my eyes with my hands.
My body heaves
all the way home.

I stand in our hallway
in deafening silence,
The house feels immense.
No husband, no children,
I wonder where have you all gone
and why am I still here
alone?

I feel an overwhelming tiredness
dragging myself upstairs.
Lying on the bed,
I receive a text from you saying
“I feel the same way,
I will be home again soon,
love you ”
and I cry,
I shed heartbroken tears
missing you,
missing us
of days and weeks alone,
wondering how many more years.

I'm wishing life away
to be with you,
as the cycle kickstarts anew.